So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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