u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
