dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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