I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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