I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
