I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
