Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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