farters have to be the big spoon...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
