Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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