We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
