I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
