and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
