I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
