he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
