porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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