He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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