I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How external is "for external use only"?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
