Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
