All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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