Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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