A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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