all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
