Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
