i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
