Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
