I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
