For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
