The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
