OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
