On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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