im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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