worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
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The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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