Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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