How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
