I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
