I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
