you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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