Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
