Got a toothbrush?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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