Can i not drive my cunt home
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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