I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
