How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
