My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
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