I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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