CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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