Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
