Michael Bay diarrhea
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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