9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
