Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
