from now on my penis is your penis
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
