My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
