We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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