After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
