im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
soo... how was my night?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
