I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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