Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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