Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
