i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
