hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
