I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
