You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
