Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
