Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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