I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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