the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
