Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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