fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
