Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I didn't notice because vodka
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
