another moral hangover. fuck.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
