So drunk, too bad you don't want this
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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